The Spell

I woke up one morning to a freightening surprise,
My husband had disappeared! I couldn't believe my eyes.

I got out of bed to look all around,
But everywhere I looked, he couldn't be found.

His computer and ipod were not touched at all.
His phone was still charging and had not made a call.

He wasn't playing Call of Duty or another video game,
I called his name loudly, no answer had came.

I first checked the golf course- I knew he'd be there.
I searched every hole, it was completely bare!

Guys love to eat, so I checked every place,
But none of the restaurants were showing his face.

The weekend was here and he didn't have work,
He wasn't at church- I checked with the clerk.

I started to worry and remembered the gym.
He wasn't inside and my hope soon grew thin.

I heard a rumor the strip club could be tempting,
So relieved I was that it was completely empty.

I looked every place - high and low.
I drove and I drove until I had no place to go.

I came home defeated and let out a sigh.
My husband had vanished and I didn't know why.

Just then a loud YELL and SHOUT I did hear.
It was coming from the living room. My life I did fear.

As I turned the corner I had to blink twice,
My husband was hypnotized and glued to a device!

This electronic devil had him under a spell,
For the next 5-ish months, I'd be living in HELL!

The spell was a bad one, it required you see
That when football was playing, he'd be absentee.


So now with this curse, I am trying to get by.
Since football season has taken captive my guy.


I think I just made enemies with every living XY chromosome, but I don't care.  I just hate that when football is on, I can't even have a conversation with Robie since he's in a literal trance.  Men can't multi-task.  I would probably like football more if I was lesbian and lived with women, because at least women can multi-task.  We can watch TV and get housework done or even have a conversation at the same time.  It's quite an astonishing ability.  And for the record, in case there is someone I don't know reading this, I am NOT lesbian.  Far from it actually.  I digress.  I actually don't mind college football, especially when Univ. Texas or BYU are playing.  I have a blast cheering for the teams I like and care about, and I can get pretty crazy when it's a good game.  But I have a problem when you have to watch EVERY football game that ever existed, even if you have never visited the state the team is from.  To me, that is stupid.  For example- it's totally awesome for me to be a supportive mom and crazy fan for Jaxon if he plays a high school sport.  I will be there at his games cheering and loving every minute of it.  However, it is not cool for me to go to every other city in my surrounding county and watch every other high school team's games just because they might eventually play my son in a game.  No.  That's not cool.  What a time waster that would be.  Get my point?  That is how I feel about football.  If you want to watch and cheer your own team's games, that's awesome.  But, if you want to watch every team that ever existed play, even though you hate or have not visited half the states those teams are from, that is no bueno.  Find another hobby or better yet, spend more time with your family.  Okay, my vent is over.  Wow, that felt nice.  I have been told many times "I just don't get it", and it's probably true.  I don't get it, just like Robie doesn't get why I want to watch Desperate Housewives, decorate the basement, or put highlights in my hair.  It's just one of the many things you have to take with a grain of salt, compromise, and live with when you're married.  Here's to hoping for world peace and a short football season (with Texas winning).