Losing the "Ba-Ba"

So far, there have not been any major life events with Jaxon that have stressed me out to the point of having a breakdown.  That is, until we took his bottle away.  His first cold, ear infections, teething, and even breast feeding (or lack thereof) were not nearly as challenging as when we decided to transition from bottle to sippy cup.

At his 18 month old doctor appointment, his pediatrician mentioned it would be a good time to get him off his bottle.  His points were that Jaxon is getting "to that age" and it might be confusing for him to have a bottle when the baby comes and also has a bottle.  He said it would be hard for Jaxon and might even take one or two days, but if I stuck through those days, he would eventually transition to a sippy with no problems.  I agreed that this was probably a good time to give it a try, so I got Robie on board, stocked up on multiple types of sippy cups, and marked my calendar to begin the process.

Day 1:
The first day was a little rough.  He was used to getting a bottle in the morning when he first woke up, so instead I pumped him full of cereal and other foods to get his little tummy full.  He kept asking for his "ba-ba" and crying a little at the refrigerator while signing for milk, but I stayed strong and only offered him sippy cups.  Every time I handed him a sippy, he pushed it aside.  I kept him busy during the day with activities and things to keep his mind of the ba-ba.  I was a little concerned by the end of the day that he had not gotten any liquids, but I stayed strong and refused the bottle until he fell asleep for the night.

Day 2:
When Jaxon woke up screaming "my ba-ba!", I knew this day was going to be rough.  He cried most of the morning and refused every sippy I offered.  I knew he had to be thirsty, because he woke up with a mostly dry diaper.  I didn't want him being dehydrated, but I really wanted to get him on a sippy.  He hates juice and only likes milk or water, so I decided to cut a giant hole in the nipple of his bottle and put juice in it.  Then I put milk in a sippy cup, figuring he would want the milk.  His eyes lit up when I gave him his rigged bottle, and when he went for a drink, he spit out the juice and threw the bottle across the kitchen.  He was pissed.  He refused the sippy with milk, and threw a huge tantrum on the kitchen floor.

I started getting stressed and I was running out of ideas, so I talked with a few people that said I should take him to pick out his very own sippy cup.  I got in the car and headed to Wal-Mart.  The whole way there, Jaxon screamed in the car because he was used to having his bottle when we drove.  At the store, I let him pick a few options of cool new cups to try.  He held them for a second, and then threw them on the floor.  To him, they were a new toy rather than a drinking mechanism.  After 30 minutes in the sippy cup isle, I threw two cups he seemed okay with into the shopping cart.  When I got home, I filled the new cups up with milk and patiently waited for him to try them.  He screamed and chucked them both across the kitchen.  I then pulled out every sippy cup we had, filled them up, and gave them to him.  Straw sippy cups, hard sippy cups, soft valve sippy cups, sports bottle sippy cups...I seriously had them all.  He didn't want anything to do with them, and just cried and cried for his ba-ba.  My heart broke a little inside taking this picture.

I wanted to cry, but I held it together.  I remembered how his pediatrician said, "It may take one or two days" so I just told myself to stay calm and he would probably get the hang of it by tomorrow.  I still felt like a horrible mom depriving my child of liquids.  I didn't know what to do, so I drove to the store again and bought the biggest watermelon I could find.  I got home with my 15 pound watermelon, cut it up, and fed it to Jaxon until his stomach was going to pop.  He loved every bit of it.  I figured the water in the melon would at least give him some fluids, and one hour later he had a semi-full diaper.  Although the watermelon helped some, I still had to conquer bed time without a bottle.  After a long and hard cry, we both passed out for the night.

Day 3:

When Jaxon woke up, I could tell he was dehydrated and frustrated that I wouldn't just give in.  I let him eat his weight in watermelon for breakfast, and then I spent the morning/afternoon trying to get him to drink from the collection of sippy cups around the house.  He wouldn't even look at the cups, and started screaming at a frequency only dogs could hear.

It was day 3, so why was my persistence not working?  I called his pediatrician to get confirmation that I wasn't ruining my child. The nurse was very nice and said I was doing a good job.  She said it might take a whole week and that I just needed to stay strong.  Sigh.

I knew Jax was thirsty, and I had to do something.  I filled a big cup with water, got a straw, dipped it in the water, plugged it with my thumb, put it in Jaxon's mouth, and unplugged it.  As it poured in his mouth, you would have thought I was giving him liquid gold.  He doesn't know how to suck from a straw on his own (obviously, or I would have just given him a cup with a straw), but he was seriously trying to suck the water out of the straw.  I did this for about an hour until he had gotten about 3 ounces of water.  Then, I figured I would let him try the straw sippy cup again since he was kind of sucking from my straw.  I handed him the straw sippy, and he looked at it for about 10 minutes.  Then, he took a sort of sip and smiled.  I was so happy I literally started clapping until I was crying.  (Blame the pregnancy hormones.)

I was so excited! I thought for sure we had a breakthrough and he had finally figured it out.  This was the answer to my prayers.  I wanted to go and buy every straw sippy cup in the world.  I didn't want to pressure him to drink more since he had done so well, and I figured we would call it a night and he would pick up the cup again when he was thirsty.  I went to bed that night feeling victorious...

Days 4-7:

...and he never picked that cup up again.  In fact, the next time he saw the cup on the table, he threw it across the room screaming.  I started getting really frustrated.  I thought I was doing the right thing, but I started questioning if I was wrong.  I didn't want to give Jax the bottle back, because then the last few days of hell would have been for nothing.  I decided to stand my ground and follow through with no bottle for at least one week.

It became a big deal if Jax would even hold a sippy cup.  The fact that he would tolerate a cup being near him instead of throwing it was something to be celebrated.  One day, he even fell asleep in the car with a sippy on his lap.  That shouldn't be a proud mommy moment, but it totally was.

Day after day, Jaxon still refused to drink anything.  He was literally on strike from liquids.  His attitude became out of control, and I seriously did not know my child anymore.  It was like he was a totally different person.  He kicked, screamed, threw things, pouted, and cried 24-7.  It stressed me out so much, and by the time Robie got home from work every day, I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.  He ate so much watermelon, that his poo was red.  It was like a red velvet cupcake was coming out of his butt, and it gave him horrible diaper rash (sorry TMI).

I cried, I prayed, and I cried over and over again that something in Jaxon's head would just click and he would figure things out.  By the end of the week, nothing had changed.  I really felt like a failure.  I was mad at myself for waiting so long to introduce a sippy cup.  His bottle was his pacifier, and as I looked back on the past year, I realized I was the one who fed his attachment.  When he was hungry, sad, or tired...I always gave him his bottle for comfort. I let him carry his bottle around the house all day long. Of course he was having a difficult time getting rid of it...it was his best friend.

Day 8:

I knew things were really bad when I started resenting Jaxon.  I hated the fact that he wasn't drinking, and I started to think he was doing it to spite me.  I didn't want to hold him, look at him, or even be near him.  I called my mom for advice, and I just broke down crying.  She calmed me down and said everything I needed to hear.  I then called Robie at work, and he really made me feel a lot better.  He let me know that even though this was a difficult struggle, I was still an amazing mom and things would be okay.  We talked about what to do to make the best decision for Jax.  Sometimes you already know in your head what needs to be done in a situation, but hearing a reassuring voice tell you that you're making the right choice is what pushes you to take action.

So, after I hung up the phone, I went into Jaxon's room, picked him up out of his crib, apologized to him for yelling at him, calmed his tears, and gave him a GIANT bottle full of milk.  He sucked that bottle down faster than anything I had ever seen and when he was done, he looked at me and smiled.  I was immediately filled with peace and all my stress was gone.  I had my happy little boy back.

Conclusion:

A lot of people might read this and think, "Why did you give in?!  Your son is too old for a bottle, and you just made things worse for when you have to take it away later.  Bad choice."  To those people I say - when you want to raise my child, then you can have the right to tell me how to be a parent.  Every situation and every child is different, and as a parent you know what is best.  If most children would take to a sippy in 1-2 days and I tried for over a week, then obviously my child is not ready for the transition.

Some people told me to try and reason with Jax and say, "Only babies use bottles.  You're a big boy and not a baby.  If you use a sippy, I will buy you a brand new toy."  Okay, really?  Jaxon's vocabulary consists of the words "Duck" and "Ball", so do you really think reasoning with him would work?  Probably not.  Plus, what is the difference between a bottle and a sippy cup anyway?  Aren't they pretty much the same thing?  I  realized that I know what is best in my situation.  Having a dehydrated toddler for a week and stressing myself out while pregnant is probably not the best thing in my situation.  Some kids have pacifier addictions and other kids suck their thumbs until middle school.  Obviously a 5 year old with a bottle is not something I am okay with, but there is not a hard rule saying 18 months old is too old.  Kids do a LOT of growing up between 18 months and 2 years, and I think in a few months Jaxon will be in a better place that getting rid of the bottle is more of a possibility.  I don't recall any 20 year olds walking around with a bottle, and I doubt Jaxon will be in therapy as an adult saying, "It all started when I was 18 months and my mom took my bottle away."  When the time is right it will happen, and I am finally at peace with that decision.

If nothing else, the week of torture did have one positive effect on Jaxon.  He has significantly cut down on his bottle usage, and now he only drinks a bottle of milk at night or in the morning.  During his meals, he drinks water from the bottle that I cut a huge hole in.  We always have his sippy cups available in case he decides to give them a try, but we want it to be on his terms when he is ready.

If you have read this to the end, I give you mad props.  To some, this whole topic might be a ridiculous reason to stress.  To me, it was every reason to stress.  You don't realize how much another little human can consume your life until it happens.  My family is my everything, and I will be concerned for their health and happiness until the day I die.  I learned a few do's and don'ts for next time around, but most of all I learned no matter how much I try, I will never be the perfect mom...and that is totally okay.  For now, I am at peace and I can sleep at night stress-free...that is, until the dreaded task of potty training comes.